Happy first birthday little Hana

Happy 1st Birthday Hana We love you!



We had a birthday party for our little girl who is not here yet

It seemed like a good idea at the time

The party was a hit

Most of her new Little friends came

The parents came too and we had a great time

eating cake, making bubbles, sitting on the deck

 and jumping on the trampoline

My friends were too kind...and Hana received many amazing

fun gifts for her new room and her new life here with us

I love to celebrate and I thought if I celebrate anything or anyone Hana should be celebrated...

we needed to celebrate this gift that God has given to us -

a precious little girl - waiting for us in China

After the party - and into the next day -

a sadness came over me...

A sadness that something wasn't right.

And some of my old fears started to creep up...

what ifs...

Are you familiar with What if...

What if something goes wrong...

What if something happens to her before we come...

What if she doesn't like us...

What if someone changes their mind in China

and we don't get her...

What if...

You see It's easier to shelter yourself - protect your emotions

if you don't allow yourself to enter into the excitement

you wont get as disappointed

It's easier not to do things that could hurt

To be numb 

Yes - Easier...but then we may miss

the harvest God has in store for us

How could I not celebrate Hana?

How could I not do this...

I'm already attached - they say that happens - it starts with you as soon as you

get matched - you get her picture...

I tried not to let that happen...

But it was too late

She is amazing already to me

And I already love her so much I can't stand it

My heart is changing - I am getting more excited

I am trying to let go of the fears...and I am trying to live into

the excitement...of holding my baby girl

I am starting to trust again 

God is showing us grace and healing

God is restoring our souls

What ifs...

What if this will be the most amazing journey of our life...

Now that is a better ... what if...

'He will hold all the pieces of your life together'

"God is our refuge and strength an even present help in trouble...The Lord almighty is with us"

Psalm 46:1,7