Be the Good

October was a fun month of celebrating birthdays, visiting family, being in the mountains and dressing up for Halloween.

October was  much brighter than September.

Unfortunately, the weather was not too bright.

It stayed for the most part dark and gloomy but there was no snow to speak of and travelling hours on the road to  get to the mountains was safe and fun.

Gloomy weather is not something we can control.

How we respond to it, that we can control.

The busyness has slowed down as we all started to get use to the new pace of work and school.

My heaviness lifted a bit as I stared to relax and accept things that I could not control.

Accept the things that are happening.

Or rather,  I thought I was accepting them

There is a realization that life can be unpredictable and at times it may seem that  it is very  much out of our control.

A realization that life can be so hard for some and look so easy for others. Yet we all know there really is no easy.

A realization that sometimes I live in this safe bubble and so many are so far from safe.

And when that happens I need to ask myself

How am I responding?

For me, I could see anxiety settling in and a bit of depression, maybe even a bit of anger, resentment and sadness. Also a feeling of out of control. How do I help, engage, fix, teach, feeling a bit overwhelmed with it all.

That is not how I want to respond.

So I had to search deep and wide

I have been stretched in ways I do not like.

I have been forced to accept things I am not too sure about.

I have seen and read things I am so upset about.

I have encountered stories where I just don't know what to say.

So I sit and ask myself

What is the point, really?

Does anything matter?

Does anyone care?

I am finding it harder and harder to see the good

as I am bombarded more and more by all the bad

So, how will all this pan out for me? How will this work out before I come to a compassion burn out situation?

I don't have all the answers. I only know its been a very hard few months of sorting things out.

I came across a saying the other day.

I need to believe there is still good in the world.

I have to

For my sake

For my children's sake

So when I sit and ask myself

What is the point, really?

Does anything matter?

Does anyone care?

The answers need to be

Yes I care

It does matter

and the point is to love deeper and be kinder

I cannot stop plugging in and supporting all the hard that is out there. I can't. I need to know the whole story.
The good and the bad.

Somehow in all the sadness somewhere somehow something good can come out of all the hard that is happening around us.

The need to remember that I am not in control
That we have a mighty God who is bigger than all the bad in this world
we need to cling to that Hope
That truth

Its just where I am at right now in my life

mixed up in some hard yet clinging to the belief that 

there is good in the world

and it starts with me