Strength in Him.

Seems like March was a blur.

I barely arrived home from Ecuador and headed into 5 weeks of recovery and healing.

One would not think falling down 3 stairs would cause such a stir.

Hundreds of kilometres and 4 hospital visits with a bit of

H1N1 in the middle of it all to stir things up.

And then with a final diagnoses this week of an actual fracture

that has spread into my heal and will probably need surgery

oh and they mentioned something about screws...and if that wasn't enough,

This past Monday my news was that I have blood clots and need immediate treatment and will be on these little pills now for 7 months - and due to that situation will not be able to have any surgery till I am out of danger.

And then there are these crutches and my cast.

I may be in this situation for months and months.

How does Mike do this!

What IS going on!

And all the while this is going on - I have family who are sick, hurting and stressed, 

 I have friends who are suffering from cancer,

friends who are walking along side loved ones for the past 6 months or so of recovery and rehabilitation,

friends who are waiting and waiting to find out test results,

friends who are wondering why they cant have babies,

friends who have sick babies and are scared,

friends that are hurting and depressed and lonely and suffering.

There are so many who are hurting and in pain.

For me, I know I will eventually heal.

My foot may not be the same.

I know this.

I may need to get rid of my shoes.

I can accept that. (or will have to)

But I will be OK.

But I know for so many - the answers are not that easy.

I know for so many there are no answers.

Just more questions.

I feel helpless in how to care for so many.

There are a few things that I have learned these past 5 weeks in my own journey

We can't do this life thing alone.

We need community.

We need people around us to help us and lift us up.

We need to reach out and ask for help when we need it

and know there is nothing wrong with that.

It is OK if they bring you supper,

It is OK if they come and wash your floor,

It is OK if they ask how you are doing,

It is OK if they tell you to stay home and rest.

We need people to pray for us and with us.

We NEED to ask for prayer.

It's an opportunity for people to care.

We need to trust.

We need to trust that what is going on in our life, is being taken care of by God.

No matter what one is going through we need to trust that

God Has This.

Trust is very hard for me.

I still struggle  with trusting and to be honest trusting God.

But He has been showing me all month how to trust again,

how to surrender and trust Him completely again.

Trust is so hard.

It's like a mirror that has been shattered in a million pieces.

It's hard to put the pieces back again.

God is showing me how to put the pieces back together again.

And with that, I can move forward and make decisions and not be afraid.

Trust is hard as that means we do not have control if we have to trust someone else.

We need to let go of control.

As one can imagine - I am losing my mind, being 'stuck' at home.

I do like to have things in order and for the most part I do like to be in control of things.

I just bought a cool new day timer...I like to plan!

This was so out of control.

Kind of like I feel during children's story time at church ;)

But this was just one thing after another - losing control not being

able to do anything for myself for a while.

Having to cancel things and reschedule, it has been so hard.

The timing was so not right.

(like any time to break a foot is ok)

Depending on others has been challenging also.

I needed to let go of control.

That was probably the hardest to try to understand and do.

But in reality if we think we are in control, we are kidding ourselves.

Wrestling with Doubt

I have a confession.

I wrestled with Doubt.

Doubting that God was listening, doubting that He was near.

There was a moment,

but I pushed through the moment.

I can imagine many doubt.

Many who are suffering so much more.

I will encourage you to push through your doubt

And see God for who He is.

In our weakest moments  HE IS OUR GREATEST STRENGHT.

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakenss"

2 Cor 12:9

I am praying for all those who God lays on my heart.

Be encouraged and know

We are not alone, We can trust God, He is in control

and even in our darkest doubting moments

He is there. He never left.