Thank the Good Lord September is Over

September did NOT go as well as I had planned.

Oh don't get me wrong

Nothing drastic happened.

The month came with all its fall activities

but then something interesting happened.

The first day of kindergarten went smoothly for my 5 year old

and truth be told I was doing very well.

I felt pretty adjusted and happy

thinking to myself

I got this

mom ,work, and life thing. 

Then the second week came,

I started to sense a bit of panic within me.

And then when the third week came - well I was just a bloody mess.

As I dropped her off

and she ran to her class

I wanted to hang on a bit longer.

I didn't like not knowing

what was happening.

What was her day like?

Who was she with?

Is she eating?

Is she dressed warm enough for recess?

Did I dress her OK, wait a minute , she dressed herself!

Will she fit in?

What if someone is mean to her?

What if she is mean?

I have even caught myself driving by

oh let's say ...lunch time to just get a glimpse of how she is doing...

My hubby is worried about me telling me that

I will get arrested.

ugh

I had no idea I would be this way,

No idea I would be such a mess.

I have always thought of myself as a pretty put together person.

I am even back in heels.

But...

She comes home

very tired

and I am tired.

And I feel like we are miles apart already.

I don't feel very put together now.

I remember clearly our

Dedication Day

A very important day,

The day we dedicated our girl to the Lord

and I remember clearly

Pastor Randall saying to us

"Today is the day you start letting go of your girl."

ugh

We just got her...how can this be?

I am terrified of missing a note or something

she needs to bring to class.

I read her letters from school 3 or 4 times and today

I still missed that it was show and tell.

ugh 

really

Its all complicated I feel

all new

This idea of letting go

The idea of being a mom

Will this get better?

Do they make pills for this?

I don't think I can handle this for the next 13 years

just saying...

Thank the good Lord September is over

Here's hoping for a calmer put together October.