A Mother's Day Reflection

A Mother's Day Reflection 

It's Mother's Day

To be honest Mother's Day comes to me everyday. 

I am so excited to be a mamma to two amazing little children. 

Some days I am in awe of my  life.

And most days I cannot believe this IS indeed my life.  

My Story 

My Journey 

It has not always been this way.  

Today I embrace the tears and the joy.
Because, is that not what this journey of motherhood is all about? 

As I reflect on this Mother's day 
I am reminded it has not always been easy.

I remember early on in my life my dreams of 
children ... many children. 
Many have similar dreams when getting married. 

I also remember the heart ache. 
I remember loss and grief. 
I remember pain. 
I remember being angry and if I can dare say
I remember feeling hate. 
I remember wanting to die in all of the pain. 
I remember entering into a deep depression. 
I remember devastation and disappointment. 
I remember wondering if I should have said good bye in a
more meaningful way. 
I remember asking, where is she now?
I often wonder how different my life may have been,
if it would have all worked out.
I remember wondering why the birth mother changed her mind, a month before we were to take a new baby home. 
I remember feeling like a failure. 
I remember throwing up. 
It must have been me. 
Then...I remember waiting. 
I remember waiting. 
Waiting. 
So much waiting. 
I remember the empty feeling. 

I remember letting a dream die
in order for another one to be born. 

I remember acceptance. 

I remember when the day came that
we knew what we were called to do. 

It was when I was in Russia working in the many orphanages there
and having the oppournity to see God's amazing 
children for the first time as my own.

I loved them all

I remember one little girl in particular who clung to me,
asking me if I had children. 
I answered no, she then said ...

'why can't you take me home?'

My heart bled. 
Why can't I ?... I asked myself. 

I wanted them all to come home with me. 
I did not want to leave them there. 

I remember I was never the same. 

Fifteen years later, I wasn't able to bring them all home, 
but we were able to bring two home. 

And my heart says, our story is not finished yet. 

You see, in the pain and suffering I found healing and redemption. 

God opened up my heart to see what I could not see. 

I remember this so I can be reminded of the many that are in this season right now. 
The pain and the suffering. 
The waiting. 
I remember so I can be sensitive, compassionate and caring. 
I remember so I can be reminded to reach out. 

I Remember

You are not alone. I see you. I care. 
There is Hope in all of the pain. 


Today on Mother's day I am reminded that the gift of motherhood comes in many forms. 

Motherhood is the one of the most magnificent and complicated
mysteries of the world. 

Today my heart is full.

I feel more joy than pain. 

I remember and at the same time,
I have NEW memories
that are filled with Joy. 

Their faces brighten my days.

Their curiosity of life make me smile. 

Their love for Jesus makes
my world complete. 

Their love for each other is
what I had dreamed about. 

Their hugs and kisses are enough.
More than enough.

My children are home.

This love is so big and some days it feels
like I can't breath.

It's a crazy~busy~tiring~ridiculous~
exhausting~fun~loved~ life. 

And it is Messy. 

In the midst of remembering
I am also reminded that God did
not leave me in the pain.

He did not abandon me 
Even though I felt like it 
He did not abandon me 

He was there walking along side of me
shaping me and molding me and preparing me for what He had in store for us. 

It's a story of Love, Grace and Mercy. 

It's God's story of Redemption,
Family and Hope. 

I can see that now. 

I cannot think to imagine my life
unfolding in any other way. 

Happy Mother's Day